As you think about proactivity in parenting, consider the routine trip to the grocery store with children. Before going to the store, have you ever asked yourself, "What do I need to do to make this a good experience for both me and my child?" There are many possible answers:
Don‘t bring this child to the store.
Delay the trip to the store until you are both rested and peaceful.
Plan to take a little more time at the store, talking as you go.
Take a toy for the child to play with while riding in the cart.
Involve the child in helping you find items on your list.
Take another adult or older child to help you with shopping or childcare.
Send your spouse or a friend to the store.
While shopping at the local Krogers here in Little Rock with 2-year-old grandson Max, I enjoyed his company and congratulated myself on his peacefulness. I hunted for the sought items while Max sat peacefully in the cart. It was quite a while before I noticed a trail of frozen peas behind us. Max had burrowed a small hole into the corner of a large plastic bag of frozen peas and was feeding himself. How should I react? Had Max misbehaved? Should he be punished?
I realized that I had not been tuned into Max‘s needs. So Max had taken initiative to solve a pressing personal problem: hunger. He had not acted contrary to any laws that he understood. He had acted with resourcefulness and determination. I helped Max enlarge the hole so that he could get peas without spilling them. And I gathered up our trail of peas.
We can be partners with our children in cultivating that beautiful human garden. We can help them grow, learn, and discover joy. It requires that we not only plan ahead but that we also make adjustments in our own schedules. Nothing great was ever accomplished without effort. The good news is that the child is glad to conspire with us to bring about the finest creation in nature: a good human being.
See the FamilyIQ Test: Parent Supportiveness Test: Do You Encourage or Discourage Your Child.
"Dr. Wally" Goddard is an Extension Family Life Specialist at the University of Arkansas. He is the creator of a television series called, "Guiding Successful Children," for the Arkansas Educational Network. Wally is the author of several books and numerous articles. He and his wife Nancy have been married for 30 years and have three children, three grandchildren and over 20 foster children whom they‘ve raised over the years.
