Sharing and Support

Mark Hobbins

The importance of a kind and willing ‘ear’ cannot be dismissed. Recently, I was talking with a friend of mine who shared with me the troubles she was having with her child. Like most of us at these times, she was feeling completely bewildered, alone, and awful. I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, even attempt to solve her problems in one short conversation. However, what I did do is listen and share with her the thought that I have come to believe: that there will be times in our lives when our happiness as a parent is only as happy as our unhappiest child. Sometimes it seems no matter how positive and independent we strive to be in our moods, nothing can throw us like a child who is hurting, unresponsive, or struggling. By this brief phrase, I let my friend know that I was listening to her, that I HEARD her, and that I understood and emphasized with what she was experiencing. And she was able to breathe a bit easier.

So, in those tough times it can be helpful to reach out to a close friend or group of friends who are willing to listen without being judgmental. The kind of people who can truly listen without constantly offering advice. There are also those people who are what I call ‘silent sufferers’, who don’t have a large circle of friends handy with whom they can easily share. All is not lost; there are always ways to find people to share the burden, such as reaching out to spiritual leaders or a therapist. Sometimes anonymous (or not) online groups with related interests can be helpful as well.

Something good comes from verbalizing our hurts and disappointments. Not only does this help us get back on track, it may also provide an opportunity to discover how we can help our struggling child.

I have been working with parents for almost 25 years; parents whose children are struggling, and the one constant experience these parents have is the benefit they feel when sharing their hurt, pain, and inner selves with our group. I cannot say whether or not that benefit comes from the process of verbalizing their innermost feelings and allowing themselves to be vulnerable, or from knowing that they are not alone. I only know that there is strength, knowledge and comfort that comes from turning to sympathetic others

Helpful Links:

Twitter

Facebook

FamilyIQ