The issue of family togetherness seems more complicated today than in past, if not for us as parents, certainly for our children. In my opinion, parents need to know more, as well as be wiser in their approach to raising today’s children.
I, for one, have made my share of mistakes, but have also felt the contentment to see my own children grow and succed . . . often in spite of their parents. I have long counseled parents not to take too much of the credit when children do well, and certainly not take on all the guilt when things go poorly.
Parents can and should create a loving, learning, predictable and safe environment for their children. We will be addressing these areas in depth throughout this blog. We will also address knowing the difference between what you can and should do, from what you cannot control, and then learn to be ok with that.
I would like to ask you to consider the impact moms and dads have on their children when the parents are not on the same page . . . times when their decisions and actions constitute disharmony, separate agendas, or create what therapists call, “triangulation.” Triangulation can occur when two members of a family align to the detriment of another member of the family. When parents are not united in how they approach a child, that child can triangulate or unite with one parent and seek to minimize or alienate the other parent.
When parents are not united in their approach or outwardly supportive of one another, it seems like children have this innate ability to use this disharmony for their own gain. Many parents have gained a greater awareness from our course on “Parental Teamwork” that discusses the issues related to this topic. What are your thoughts?
I, for one, have made my share of mistakes, but have also felt the contentment to see my own children grow and succed . . . often in spite of their parents. I have long counseled parents not to take too much of the credit when children do well, and certainly not take on all the guilt when things go poorly.
Parents can and should create a loving, learning, predictable and safe environment for their children. We will be addressing these areas in depth throughout this blog. We will also address knowing the difference between what you can and should do, from what you cannot control, and then learn to be ok with that.
I would like to ask you to consider the impact moms and dads have on their children when the parents are not on the same page . . . times when their decisions and actions constitute disharmony, separate agendas, or create what therapists call, “triangulation.” Triangulation can occur when two members of a family align to the detriment of another member of the family. When parents are not united in how they approach a child, that child can triangulate or unite with one parent and seek to minimize or alienate the other parent.
When parents are not united in their approach or outwardly supportive of one another, it seems like children have this innate ability to use this disharmony for their own gain. Many parents have gained a greater awareness from our course on “Parental Teamwork” that discusses the issues related to this topic. What are your thoughts?
posted by Mark Hobbins at
6:42 PM
1 Comments:
Triangulation seems to occur a great deal when one parent knows a lot more about the daily lives of the children. For instance, moms tend to know more about what is happening with the kids and often dad is totally in the dark, especially if the dad travels or works long hours. The kids know this and will use the dad to get around the mom. I have found it helpful to make sure that if I tell the kids no on something important or make a new rule, that I tell their dad so he can back me-up. When I fail to do this, it is not their dad's fault that the kids "triangulate," and get away with things, it is mine and the kids fault. So I try not to blame him.
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